Socializing
so I decided that I should try talking in discord servers more often, i tried to respond to someone's question about a game but got no reply and instead the person started talking about chili's. do i just die.
actually, now that I think of it, im like 90% sure the server is practically infamous for having a large friend group that ignores everyone else. that's funny. it's a royale high (game on roblox) based server. I used to be active, REALLY active in fact, but I started being in other servers and just "moved on." I don't think a lot of my friends are there anymore. I do miss them, though.
But I mean in general, I seriously do not know how to socialize anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Well, no, I do know the problem. My fuckass school in 10th grade & my cousins making it worse. When I was framed for writing a (very fucking cringe and very awfully written) vent document, everything just went down the drain. I suffered. Nobody did anything to help me, or believe me at that. I was truly at the "worst" in my life. Not even my own parents would help.
Truly ironic that my parents would probably rather do anything else then ever admit that I'm mentally ill and get me actual help. Biological and non-biological parents. Mom, dad, step mom, step dad, they're all awful.
I really do not know how I survived that. But if I survived that, I think I can pretty much survive anything. Anyway, where was I?
Ever since that, I've been more and more paranoid about making friends on the internet. I mean, it's just... awful. I'm constantly thinking that people will hurt me if I don't isolate myself away from others. It's a strange thing though. I'm surrounded by people as a person. I see people outside. I talk to the other students at school occasionally. But am I anything more then a fleeting memory to any of them?
ok i seriously need therapy. i say that as realistically i'd crash out and cry non-stop if i step foot inside a therapist's room