Relations 2.0
My ex gifted me a cinnamoroll keychain, hooray! I'm very happy right now!
unfortunately I am forever haunted by the fact that I cannot be with him.
The time will come when I need to tell him the truth that I am not the cishet ex girlfriend he thinks I am. I think my best bet is telling him in senior year. Same time, how would that go? "hey sorry I'm not a girl and I'm not straight and I also use masculine terms but do you fw nonbinary losers by any chance haha?"
I don't exactly see myself with him in the long run anyway. I don't see myself with anyone actually. I don't exactly find myself "loving" at all, more of just admiration towards the people in my life. Yeah sure I love all my friends no matter how close or far, but I use that term lightly. I don't mean actual romantic love. Anyway that'll probably change in the future and I'll be back on this blog in a few years going "hell yeah just found the person of my dreams" or something...
number 1 on top 10 biggest twilight fears HAS to be having actual close relationships with someone. Like that sounds extremely dumb I know but I'm serious. I have an insane fear of rejection & abandonment which is not the best considering how screwed dating has been this generation tbh.
swear there was this one meme with that one guy from ratatouille that was like "I do not hook up. I do not do situationships. I stay with who I choose and if they want someone else I DIE." which is like yeah that's me LMAO.
ah oh well I don't know. it's just been in my mind for a while. The concept of close relationships is almost strange to me...